I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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