You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
