my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
