I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize