Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
