I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
this beer tastes like vomit already
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
