How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Randomize
