The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
