his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
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How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
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Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
There are leaves in my underwear?
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