I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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