what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
