I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
