My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
