Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Randomize
