I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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