the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
