I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
And then he peed in my hair
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