There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
