So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
