I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
