Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
