So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
This house was built for laser tag.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
