he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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