it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
