If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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