Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
