After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
