God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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