I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
My sheets look like a crime scene.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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