who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
