Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
