I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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