can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
