We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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