It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I need a beard to bite.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
