I think I died a long time ago.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
