it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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