I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Randomize
