ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
