I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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