She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
