I can't watch pbs sober anymore
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
