well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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