i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
