I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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