i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
4 words: hood of his car
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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