I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
