tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
