i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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