i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
