and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
NoShamevember. You game?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
