o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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