normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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