Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
