Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
