if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
