Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
where are you?
Hypothermia
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
