david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
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We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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