I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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