Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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