PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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