My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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