turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
