I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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