Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
