if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've created a new STD.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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