It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
