i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
