1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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