You were right. It hurts to walk today.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
only you would photoshop your dick
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
