I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
