Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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