he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
