I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
