How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
