New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
How does one acquire holy water?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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