Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
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By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
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You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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