Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
