I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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