Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
