After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
